Friday, January 14, 2011

It's time to put on the big girl panties

Call it what you will; a test, a lesson, a trial or what have you but sometimes the things that need doing still suck! Sometimes they still hurt! Sometimes you want to avoid the whole situation because it's not going to be pleasant and occasionally it turns out that the experience wasn't at all as bad as you thought it would be. That will not be the case today. We have to have a cat put down today. It's not what I planned to do today, but that's how life goes sometimes. I'm not going to go into the unpleasant details, but suffice it to say, there is nothing that can be done. In a while I'll take her in, just mentally preparing right now.

This is just another layer of the story, another reason to prepare. A couple weeks ago I lost my uncle unexpectedly. He left behind a wonderful legacy and it was a true testament to the man he was, but the real shock of it was that nobody saw it coming. But then the reality is that nobody knows when their ticket expires. My aunt and the family they created were stunned but able to pull it together and do what needed to be done, obviously, but the journey I'm on today, the suddenness of my uncle's passing and with the words of a dear friend and Dave Ramsey, "You're going to die, get a will!" I think it's time to put the big girl panties on and do it. I'd like to have a plan or maybe a general direction to take in the event my life changed in an instant, I'd like to have the peace that they say comes after making tough decisions. But then where do you start? Who gets what? Where do you want your final resting place to be? Will your laundry be done? Dishes in the sink? Will the project you're working on be finished? What happens to the stuff you leave behind? But most importantly the kids, oh. my. God. my. children! Where do I find a suitable replacement for me? For Ron? Who knows my children like I do and who will raise them the way I want them to be raised and will it happen after I'm gone? Will they do it for a week? A month, a year or two? At all? Will I ever actually need this? I hope not, but as Hallmark-y as my life seems to some, myself included occasionally, this would not make a Hallmark moment. What do you do? When someone I know is having a hard time and the odds are seemingly stacked against them my advice is often, "Just breathe." Advice I sometimes give myself. Would I be able to remember that?

I've been really looking forward to 2011 and I'm enjoying it thus far, I know lots of people who are hurting and I feel so blessed. I know some very big things are coming this year for my family and I look forward to that, but I think that 2011 will also be a year of tough decisions and growth as I've never made a tough decision yet where I didn't grow in some way. That said, it's time to put the big girl panties on and deal with it.

7 comments:

  1. Yup. Kids are the thing that always concerns me. We have a plan in place, and pray it doesn't have to come into play, but if it does, then we will be better prepared for it, should it come.
    Sorry about your cat.

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  2. Yet another thing that makes me thankful my kids are now nearly 16,18,20, and 22. Yeah, I know they still aren't old enough to raise themselves, and god help them if they tried - they would kill each other rather than pull together, even at their ages. AND, even AT their ages, I still get that same panicky feel in my stomach, the sick feeling of "what would they do without me - they aren't old enough to be without their mama yet" - BUT... they are no longer the 2,4,6, and 8 year old "babies" that I worried myself SICK over- worrying what would happen to them "IF"... I know EXACTLY the feeling you're feeling. I am not one of those people lucky enough to have close family and/or siblings who I would feel really, really ok with raising my children if they had to. I don't come from that - so it was a HUGE struggle. Finally, I just dealt with it by... NOT dealing with it. I COULDN"t deal with it, so I just buried my head in the proverbial sand and ploughed on, pretending nothing COULD happen to me, or us. Yep, Brilliant, I know, so I applaud your plan to do SOMETHING. But I also can totally sympathize with that horrible feeling in the pit of your gut, too.
    AND, I, too, am really sorry you have to have a cat put down today. THAT sucks. Whatever the reason. Treat yourself to a 10 minute breather tonight, if you can - a quiet few minutes with a cup of cocoa, or a glass of wine, and just breathe in and out for a few.
    I would raise your children for you in a heartbeat, and love them as much as I have loved my own. How weird, since you don't know me at all, huh? But I would. Can you put in your will that, along with the kids, I also get a goat and a llama? PERFECT.
    Sorry so long-winded.

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  3. LOL Dog Hair, thank you for that.

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  4. We made our will at the 11th hour AFTER an accident that almost killed us. Even under those extreme circumstances, it wasn't a trial. If you have children I would urge you to pay a lawyer to do it for you. We have a pretty straightforward will and the laywer still pointed out things that we wouldn't have thought of.

    With all you've been through recently, this will be a cake walk, no big pants needed.

    So sorry for your losses. I recently heard that grief is a journey and each person has to take a different route to get through it. I hope your path isn't too difficult or fraught. Perhaps making your own will could be part of your journey.

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  5. It never hurts to be prepared for things. Its not a fun business, but having a will or at least some instructions for loved ones left behind helps ease your mind.

    I'm sorry to hear about your cat. We just went through an epic trial with our cat of 9 years a few weeks ago. She didn't make it in the end, but at least I know that she wasn't suffering anylonger. Hang in there!

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  6. I am the exception to the gang most of the time, being one that people turn to even as a kid. I have had a will since 1974. I made some life changing moves in that year, thank you God. Still was a teenager, but life comes at you pretty fast and I usually prepare or try. I had a hard time hauling my husband to the lawyers to write up a his and hers...but we did that too. It is not a matter of "if" it is "when".

    Twistie, you have 2 kids that anyone that knows them are blessed to have in their lives. Truly, I mean that with all my heart...as the tears pour down thinking of all this...Dear one, all is well if you prepare for two things, the best of times and the bumps of life lessons. Each will be a part of the one thing we share...living.

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  7. Again, sorry about your Uncle...he built my house! I am very happy to know about his legacy and he will be missed. We should all try to be such a person as he was.

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So what's the view from your world about that? I'd enjoy hearing it.