My beloved Boz

Dear Starry-Eyed Horse Crazy Little Girl,

                 Prepare yourself. I know your heart, I know how hard you have prayed for that horse, I know the pictures you have drawn and the dreams you have, I know. I know shows that you go to to watch and breathe and dream and long to be part of. Prepare yourself, I know. It may take a while, but you will get there. You will find that horse, the one you draw and pray for and can visualize and know will be there tied out front under the tree of your childhood home. I know the heartache and disappointment in the morning when it’s not there. Prepare yourself, it will happen. One day your horse will find you. You will start looking at ads and start a list of things you want your horse to be then you will find a horse you think has met your requirements and things will be set in motion, prepare yourself. Things are not always as they see. Then your horse will find you and it won’t matter that your horse doesn’t know about your list or measure up to it because contrary to what it on your list you have met the requirements for his. You see all that was on his list was that adult woman who dreamed and prayed for him as a starry-eyed horse crazy little girl who just wanted to love a horse. Prepare yourself, dreams do come true.

                Your horse will arrive and it will be one of the absolute best days of your life. You’ve waited your entire life for this moment so when it does soak it in, breath him into your soul, kiss that soft velvety nose, pat that soft neck. He has been through a lot to get here and it may take a while but when he nickers to you for the first time when you call to him; every single moment that you have waited for him will have been for that. Every time the barn door opens and he perks his head up to see you and greets you with that same nicker will etch him in your heart just a bit more. Prepare yourself dear girl. He will be ever so patient with you and forgiving of the mistakes you make, he will teach you things about yourself while he is trying to figure out what you are asking of him and you will learn together. Many miles together you will ride and although you may not ever win a ribbon on him you will be ok because it wasn’t the ribbon that you really wanted.

                Prepare yourself dear child, one day you will notice something is just not right and your gut will ache and your heart will start to crack. You will do everything you can think of to comfort him. You will watch and listen and you will ask him and you will tell him it’s ok. And a little piece of your heart will break. The vet will come and try to give you some answers and some comfort and you will feel another piece of your heart break. You will be with him around the clock soaking him into every fiber of yourself lest you forget a single detail, like the way he smells, his kind gentle eyes, the shape of his ear or how he twitches them when he hears you speak softly to him. Prepare yourself, the pain is unbearable, it will be almost impossible to breath. You will choose a place for him and you will lead him over to it and say good-bye. You will be there when his legs get wobbly and his head droops and when he lays his tired old body on the ground and his head is resting in your lap as he takes his final breath, prepare yourself dear child, it’s going to hurt. Your heart will shatter.

                Know this too dear child, know that as bad as it hurts, every single second will have been worth it. Every ride, every carrot, every heavy shovel of manure, every bag of grain and bucket of water. Every single second that you have fulfilled that dream will have been worth the wait. You will have given every bit of love that you could have to that horse and he to you. Prepare yourself, it will have been some of the best days of your life.