#23 - a place of solitude

I'm pretty sure the stress of 2011 has caught up with me and is now taking it's toll. For about a month or so now I've been dealing with a pinched nerve in my neck/left shoulder, with chiropractic care it is finally getting considerably better for which I'm thankful. At the initial visit and exam I was told that (without my saying what a treat 2011 was and what I'd been dealing with) it was likely due to loads of physical and mental stress.... hmmm what may have caused that?! So uh, yea, I've been a bit stressed and knitting my fingers to the bone trying to make ends meet and the physical stress of that combined with the mental stress has come to a head, but the timing is amazing! I was talking to the receptionist which ended up being the chiropractors wife and a holistic health coach! Bonus. We started talking and I have no idea how it came up be I made mention that part of the stress which has caused the pinched nerve was Ron's health, she looked empathetically at me and handed me a DVD to watch. She proceeded to tell me a bit about what it was about - 6 people reversing diabetes and getting off all their meds, including insulin, blood pressure and cholesterol meds. I burst into tears, which made her get all choked up, I said thank you and left.

Here is a wonderful preview:



So I brought it home, told Ron about it and we watched it together. The longer thinker/processor on the family need to process what he'd heard and decided a few days later that he's willing to give it a try! I almost burst into tears again. Let me back up a bit, during the cancer scare this summer I'd been directed to a few documentaries that might be a glimmer of hope in what seemed like a dark spiral we were in at the time, one of them that clicked instantly was: Food Matters




which led to: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Burzynski the Movie, Vanishing of the Bees, and Gasland. All of which came on the heels of King Corn, Food, inc. and Fresh and all of which I think you should see. I had also been introduced to The Raw Truth and Perfect Weight America both by Jordan Rubin, both of which I'm in the process of reading. I was ready for a glimmer of hope, a ray of sunshine, a straw to grasp what have you, so I went back to another appointment and asked more about this raw food thing and asked for a book to start with. She smiled, made a recommendation and said that she was starting another round of raw food "cooking" classes in January so the kids and I are looking forward to that and hopefully Ron will join us.

Which brings us to the surgery Ron just had to relocate the ulnar nerve in his left arm due to the severe atrophy and muscle wasting. The surgery went well and outlook looks good. He got his stitches out yesterday and last night we ended up in the ER again because the wound had popped open and would not stop bleeding, and I mean it was a gusher! The ER nurse whose name is Chris is now quite familiar with us and recognizes us, joked as we walked in saying this was the best that Ron has ever looked and almost didn't recognize him, but could tell there was a serious issue and took great care of us. I hope there is a comment card I can fill out for him, he's awesome! The ER doc wwas finally able to get the bleeding to stop and we went home after a while with instructions to follow up with the surgeon today, so we did. She flushed the wound and dressed it and sent us on our way, we went over to pick up a script for an anti-biotic just in case... and while he was standing there it started gushing, again. We returned to the surgeon who'd gone back into surgery and the seemingly alarmed nurse in the office went back to get the doc. She came back out and dressed the wound, again and said to expect this until all the blood from surgery a week ago comes out. Quite frankly this doesn't feel right, I've learned to listen to my gut and this doesn't make sense to me. By the time we made it home the blood had soaked through a TON of gauze, dressings and ace wraps, so I watch add more gauze and wrap it again, and wait.


In the meantime the kids and I have a humdinger of a head/chest cold; how Ron had not caught it is beyond me, I'm trying to listen to my body and rest because that's what it is telling me it needs and take care of the kids Ron, and the barn. While out doing the barn chores tonight the kids made me ugly and I sent them into the house. Nearing tear again from the stress and concern over Ron, feeling like I've been run over by a mac truck, the pain from the pinched nerve and all the other things going on made me walk into the grain room and collapse on the hay. Bridger who is now a tried and true farm dog likes to hang out in the grain room on the hay while we do the chores was already in there making a nest for himself in the hay was all too happy to have me plunk this tired body down beside him. "Puppy" I whispered and he gently laid his lead on my lap. I let out a long sigh and he did the same. I leaned back onto a bag of grain; cushioned by Garlic's winter rug, put my feet up on a grain bin and listened to some of the most magical sounds on the planet. I heard the peaceful hum of the alpacas, the rustling of the hay and the occasional pawing as the goats enjoyed their hay, I heard the gentle cooing of the hens and an occasional flutter of wings as they finished eating and hopped up to their perch to settle in for the night. One of the goats started bleating in protest thinking I'd forgotten to feed him and wanted to make sure I hadn't. I hadn't, just hadn't made it there yet. And Garlic was snuffling through his dinner and enjoying every delicious morsel. Odd as this may sound I love the smell of the barn, I just love it, the sweet intoxicating smell of second crop hay, the combination of manure and fresh shavings, cold crisp winter air, warm breath of the animals, sweet smell of the grain, the leather in the tack room, it's all perfectly harmonious and brings me such peace. I just laid there listening and breathing in the barn and realized that I was feeling the stress just melt away and realized that I was so fortunate to have a place where I could find solace and I smiled.