Hello....

It's been a long time and I'm wondering if anyone is still out there...

My beloved Boz

Dear Starry-Eyed Horse Crazy Little Girl,

                 Prepare yourself. I know your heart, I know how hard you have prayed for that horse, I know the pictures you have drawn and the dreams you have, I know. I know shows that you go to to watch and breathe and dream and long to be part of. Prepare yourself, I know. It may take a while, but you will get there. You will find that horse, the one you draw and pray for and can visualize and know will be there tied out front under the tree of your childhood home. I know the heartache and disappointment in the morning when it’s not there. Prepare yourself, it will happen. One day your horse will find you. You will start looking at ads and start a list of things you want your horse to be then you will find a horse you think has met your requirements and things will be set in motion, prepare yourself. Things are not always as they see. Then your horse will find you and it won’t matter that your horse doesn’t know about your list or measure up to it because contrary to what it on your list you have met the requirements for his. You see all that was on his list was that adult woman who dreamed and prayed for him as a starry-eyed horse crazy little girl who just wanted to love a horse. Prepare yourself, dreams do come true.

                Your horse will arrive and it will be one of the absolute best days of your life. You’ve waited your entire life for this moment so when it does soak it in, breath him into your soul, kiss that soft velvety nose, pat that soft neck. He has been through a lot to get here and it may take a while but when he nickers to you for the first time when you call to him; every single moment that you have waited for him will have been for that. Every time the barn door opens and he perks his head up to see you and greets you with that same nicker will etch him in your heart just a bit more. Prepare yourself dear girl. He will be ever so patient with you and forgiving of the mistakes you make, he will teach you things about yourself while he is trying to figure out what you are asking of him and you will learn together. Many miles together you will ride and although you may not ever win a ribbon on him you will be ok because it wasn’t the ribbon that you really wanted.

                Prepare yourself dear child, one day you will notice something is just not right and your gut will ache and your heart will start to crack. You will do everything you can think of to comfort him. You will watch and listen and you will ask him and you will tell him it’s ok. And a little piece of your heart will break. The vet will come and try to give you some answers and some comfort and you will feel another piece of your heart break. You will be with him around the clock soaking him into every fiber of yourself lest you forget a single detail, like the way he smells, his kind gentle eyes, the shape of his ear or how he twitches them when he hears you speak softly to him. Prepare yourself, the pain is unbearable, it will be almost impossible to breath. You will choose a place for him and you will lead him over to it and say good-bye. You will be there when his legs get wobbly and his head droops and when he lays his tired old body on the ground and his head is resting in your lap as he takes his final breath, prepare yourself dear child, it’s going to hurt. Your heart will shatter.

                Know this too dear child, know that as bad as it hurts, every single second will have been worth it. Every ride, every carrot, every heavy shovel of manure, every bag of grain and bucket of water. Every single second that you have fulfilled that dream will have been worth the wait. You will have given every bit of love that you could have to that horse and he to you. Prepare yourself, it will have been some of the best days of your life.

a huge piece

A huge piece of my heart left in the back of a subaru this afternoon. A huge piece. Barn-um and Bale-e left to go live on another farm today. They were never pushy or aggressive with my or any other human but they were starting to get a bit aggressive with my dairy herd in the exact same way that my other pygora wether did and I had no way of keeping them separated from the rest of the herd, so I ...did the only thing I could do and that was to find them another perfect home. This was not an easy decision AT ALL, but when talking to this new family I knew that this would be alright and they would receive as much love there as they did here and as hard as it was that brought me peace about my decision. I will honestly miss those boys for the rest of my life. As sad as my heart is tonight my heart is equally as thrilled for the new family. I remember the feeling of picking up one of my goats in my truck and the feeling I has as if by slamming that tailgate I was now part of some amazing secret society and I gathered from the smile on his face this new goat owner did too and I was proud to have been able to do that. To send two of the best goats I've owned, my ambassadors out to spread the love of goats into this world. When they left I went out into the pasture with the rest of my herd and cried. I knew that it was the right thing to do and was able to smile because of the feeling of knowing just what this new family would feel towards them. Complete love. So tonight I am thankful for Barn-um and Bale-e, the time they spent here, the trust they placed in me and for the new home they have where they will be loved and adored. Be well boys and be happy.

good quote

Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys..
~Rita Schiano

Long overdue

Wow. What a whirlwind of a summer, well for a bit now.

We participated in some farmers markets last year some were good, some not worth our time but it was a part of the learning curve of farming and finding our place in the world. That led to discussions about goats that were born this spring and what my plans were for all the milk that comes with having 6 milkers which led to more markets, getting my dairy license and a ton of cheese making! These markets were wayyyyyy better than the ones I tried last year but I was also offering dairy products so that helped and the location was different as well. Like I said, we are now a state licensed and inspected dairy and I couldn't be more thrilled with that, as hard as certain aspects of that are it has been a huge blessing. We've met some great people in our travels this summer and I'm glad to have been able to do that.

The kids and I were invited out on a working Maine lobster boat. Damn, that is seriously hard work. Loved everything about it, well almost everything, the smell of the bait and the seasickness that came along with it wasn't ideal, but made for a complete experience. Don't you ever complain about the price of lobster to the person who hauls it out of the ocean til you've actually been out and done it.

We had some heartbreak this kidding season as well and I'm told that if you are in goats for any length of time you'll experience it all, the good and the bad. Well I'm really hoping not to have another year like this one ever, but if it is my lot I suppose I'll take it and be glad for the lessons it teaches.

My husband's health is holding steady and I thank you for your concern, that means a lot.

Hoping to get a new camera soon as on one of our days off this summer I took the kids panning for gold and slipped in the river and ruined the one we had. SO mad at myself for that, but I didn't get hurt and easily could have so I'll take a ruined camera over that.

I'm still here!

I am, I really am! I'm just so busy with my dairying and farmers markets and life and not being able to blog from my phone that I've not updated like I have in the past. So here's a pic to show you I really am still here. Ron finally got a boat this summer and he and the kids have enjoyed it very much I've gone out a few times too. Tonight we went out in it to an island that is made up of black sand! SO neat!

It's official!

As of today I am an officially  licensed goat dairy! Thrilled doesn't even begin to describe how I feel!